George Clooney exuded star quality the moment he walked onto the Late Show set, looking like he had just stepped out of Ocean’s 14.  And while being George Clooney is something none of us can ever hope to achieve, there’s a lot to be learned by observing his high-wire balancing act as a talk show guest, striking the perfect balance between being A-list and accessible.

Clooney has the self-deprecating act down to a science, blending the “I wish I was a star like him” and a viewer’s desire to see the all too human side of the high-and-mighty.  Watching George and Dave pal around and share celeb stories, we think “Oh, I want to belong to THAT club!”

Clooney knows the trick to spinning a great story is to have it so well rehearsed that it never seems rehearsed.  He made it look like he just remembered the hilarious incident that happened when police helicopters swarmed neighbor Britney Spears’ house.  And he got plenty of plugs in for his new movie, Leatherheads, by telling funny stories that generously showcased the other actors, at his own expense.  His guest stint was a textbook example of how to look ridiculously cool while telling stories about appearing ridiculous.  Not so easy when you come to think about it.

Clooney secured the Perfect Guest title by giving Dave what ever talk show host craves: a bankable celebrity who not only charms the audience, but hangs around to do a comedy skit as well.  Dave said it best, “If everyone were like George Clooney, show business would be a much better place.”

William Safire is a brilliant observer of the political scene, a legendary speechwriter and a Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist. Your average Daily Show viewer might – just might – know him as the author of Nixon Vice-President Spiro Agnew’s famous putdown of the press as “nattering nabobs of negativism.” A fact that apparently so enamored Jon Stewart, he was probably an easy booking on the show. However as a guest, Safire na-bobbled the assignment quite thoroughly.

Plugging an update of his classic book, “Safire’s Political Dictionary,” his exchanges with host Jon Stewart had as much electricity as your standard dictionary. When telling a story, he wandered all over the place, taking forever to make a simple point. Stewart was working overtime, desperately trying to turn the interview into something entertaining with barrages of gags, even interrupting and trying to save Safire’s creaky comments at times.

Further proof that Safire was in the wrong place at the wrong time was his failure to actually promote his book with any conviction. It took Stewart piling on superlatives at the end to get the message out. Clearly being a master of the printed word isn’t enough to carry the day under the relentless glare of TV. Bill stick to the typewriter…er, uh…computer!

When Demi Moore strode onto the Letterman stage in a very flattering bright red dress, she was every bit the consummate actress and star (even perfectly raising her foot when Letterman hugged her). Through the course of the interview, she was flirty and fun and filled with just the right kind of racy stories for late night TV. And other than her annoying nervous habit of keeping her hands clasped together almost the entire time, which transmitted a palpable tension, she was a great interview for a fawning Dave.

Letterman showed pictures of her with her three daughters in Bazaar magazine and when he asked how she keeps them on the straight and narrow, she said “I beat them with a belt…” PAUSE…then she cracked up laughing.

She then spent a good deal of time discussing her recent trip to Austria for leech therapy, “but with highly trained medical leeches!” She got very graphic when describing the first leech crawling in her bellybutton and biting down. “You bastard!” she said. She also informed everyone that the leeches don’t like hair, so a “proper Brazilian” was necessary. Dave and the audience broke up. She mentioned that she even brought photos, which were deemed too explicit for even late night, much to Dave and Paul’s disappointment.

Moore then talked about her new film with Michael Caine, Flawless and discussed their first film together, Blame It On Rio, some twenty years ago. Moore confessed that she was certain such a comedy could never be made today as Caine, her father in the film, has an affair with her 17-year old best friend.

Moore handled herself with poise and playful charm…now if she could just pry open those hands and let us all relax she’ll get a 5 Whisper score next time.

Ryan Phillippe’s appearance on Jay Leno left something to be desired…and not on Phillippe’s part.

He did his best to roll with Leno’s endless jokes about the fact that Phillippe’s first job was as the first openly gay teenager on a daytime soap opera, (One Life to Live). After Jay asked him to look into the camera and give us his “gayest look,” (for which Leno has since apologized after mounting pressure from the gay and lesbian communities) Phillippe not only declined, but jokingly threatened to walk off the show, even going to far as to stand up, take a few steps and say goodbye to the crowd. When the unrelenting Leno implied he had plenty more fodder with which to embarrass Phillippe, including a naked Armani jeans commercial he’d done many years ago, Phillippe threatened, more seriously this time, to walk. Then, when Jay informed him he had the commercial ready to show, Phillippe literally put his head in his hands, saying “I’m outta here.”

While Phillippe was entertaining in an uncomfortable way, his nervous habits of rarely making eye contact with the host and constantly rubbing his hands on his jeans were distracting and made for a less-than-ideal interview, even when Jay kept baiting him.

Luckily, he was able to talk quite a lot about his new film “Stop-Loss” and how it is really told from the soldier’s point of view. He admitted that during the Gulf war period, he and a buddy went to enlist. The buddy did, and he just took the free T-shirt and went to New York to pursue acting.

He did discuss his kids, his distaste for Googling because anonymous people can say hateful things, and his love of all things Frank Sinatra (whom Jay opened for years ago). Toward the end of the interview, Leno, one more time, brought up the gay teenage thing and Phillippe basically ignored him saying “Anyway…” They laughed, but like a dentist appointment, we’re guessing Phillippe was glad this interview was over.

There’s a reason host Jon Stewart has the ergonomic Aeron flight seat and the guests have an ordinary office chair: he doesn’t want his targets to get too comfortable.

Senator Chuck Hagel of Nebraska looked crisp and composed when he showed up to plug his book, “America: Our Next Chapter.” He did get a couple of uncharacteristically humorous zingers in while Jon wasn’t looking, but as entertainment, he had the misfortune to be a Republican who agrees with Jon on the folly of the Iraq war, so the sharpness of comic arrows that typically fly back and forth during a Daily Show conservative target was blunted by Jon’s eager nodding at his anti-war opinions. Without the sparring, the interview just fell flat.

Opinions were also at the heart of Sen. Hagel’s biggest problem on the show: he voiced a lot of them without interesting stories or new perspectives to back them up. Then there was his misreading of the audience for The Daily Show. Anyone interested in the ideas in his book would recognize the appeal right away. But this is a comedy show and the audience who shows up for the laughs, so viewers need to be seduced by the trademark humorous interplay, of which there was sadly little.

Two Whispers and two cardinal Guest Whisperer rules: have a pocketful of short, unexpected stories to hook listeners and viewers into your cause; and know the audience you’re facing and how to engage them.