Dressed eerily similarly to Leno, Jimmy Kimmel had to take a ribbing before he even sat down, “is that the Jay Leno young men’s collection?” referring to his wardrobe.  Not to be tarried with, Kimmel launched into his own diatribe, smartly including the audience.  He said to Leno, “may we speak privately for a moment? (with a knowing glance to the crowd) You guys are cool, right?” He proceeded to express his concern for the rumor that, upon his eviction from NBC, Leno would be coming to ABC, where, in case Leno didn’t know, he has a late night talk show of his own.  Kimmel continued on his sarcastic rant for quite some time telling Jay how bad ABC was to work for and how his car kept getting keyed, as he knew all things automotive are near and dear to Leno’s heart, and finally ending the misery definitively with “so don’t come there!”

While I’m not really sure what he was there to promote, he talked about his parents, who were in the audience (perhaps that’s why he was there, his parents wanted to see the Jay Leno show!) He then jumped back on his soap box commenting about Jay having sent his Mom flowers saying, “It’s not enough to take my show, you have to take my mother from me too?”  Even when they returned from the break, Kimmel lead with his calculation of Leno’s worth ($703 billion dollars, by his most recent count) and saying he doesn’t need another job.  It was funny, but bordering on real… too real… and uncomfortably desperate.  A fine line that Kimmel continued to walk.  They went on to chat about Kimmel’s Emmy, which he said was really won by his ex-girlfriend, Sarah Silverman and his cousin, and then ended the interview showing a clip from his own show.

Again, I really am not sure why he was there, but it was an entertaining appearance.  Certainly two people who know better than most about comic timing, pace and humor; they played well off each other, Jay teasing Jimmy like the Jedi Master joshing the Young Padawan.  It will be interesting to see what the future holds for these intergalactic stars.

David Duchovny is a low-key, guy’s guy, charming from the word go. Dressed in jeans, shirt out and jacket, he even pulled his pants up before sitting down, just like a real guy.  It’s that brand of relate-ability that made him a winning guest during a recent visit with Jimmy Kimmel.  And as we are often say, relate-ability equals like-ability.

He started out his visit by saying he almost went through the wrong door backstage and wondered where he would have ended up.  When Kimmel suggested the Ellen Show, Duchovny quickly replied that he might, then, have been “a little less flirty.”  Duchovny felt right at home with Kimmel and readily offered up that one of his summer activities, in addition to finishing up the second season of his Showtime series Californication, was pimping “The X-Files – I Want to Believe.”

As the “pimping” part of the interview came around, Duchovny said that getting back into the role of Fox Mulder after six years only happened when he started working with Gillian Anderson again.  “[She] keyed me into the whole vibe.”  Kimmel then asked if he stripped everyone down as he seems to do on Californication on the X files set, and Duchovny said no, it was Vancouver, it was too cold for that.

The final bit of banter centered on the difficulty of keeping the X Files script secret for so long. Duchovny explained that basically he WAS irresponsible and that director Chris Carter was right to not trust him with the written script, as he confessed to losing the first draft.

As an anecdote master and with a casual, approachable attitude, Duchovny knows how to be a good talk show guest.  He remained himself, got his numerous plugs in and showed how a pro can use the art of the appearance to stay popular in the public eye.

It is so refreshing when a guest just gets it.  Such is the case with Julie Bowen when she visited with Jimmy Kimmel. Not only was she funny, clever and quick with witty repartee, but she knew Kimmel’s audience all too well, as evidenced by the subject matter of the entire first half of the interview — her pregnancy enlarged boobs!  Bowen and Kimmel kept referring to them as if they were a separate guest. Bowen described their bigger-than-ever-size as a result of breast feeding and assured her host that “they are going away.” “Let me say goodbye to them,” Kimmel replied. Bowen added “This is it for the twins.” She played it beautifully.

When they shifted to talking about her new film, Sex and Death, 101, she said she chose the film because she got to make out with Simon Baker, which then led to a pithy exchange about the Sinatra clause — the designation of one person your mate will give you an “out” to sleep with. The subsequent banter was delightful.

The nice, refreshing thing about Bowen is her sparkle. She never tries too hard to shine. It just comes naturally, which in turn made Kimmel shine, as well — always a good trait for a guest on a talk show.

Artie Lange’s “Death Wish” tour continues with yet another appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live. It’s a good thing Lange is best known for his annoying squeal on the Howard Stern Show, because he truly has a face and body for radio.

Lange has mastered the “I just rolled out of bed” look with all the finesse and style of a freeway off-ramp bum. The crotch of his pants was down to his knees and he completed the picture with a full day facial growth that gave him all the charm of a down and out prospector. Kimmel couldn’t help but comment on Lange’s JKL5 (Jimmy Kimmel Live 5) T-shirt, which he apparently wasn’t wearing in support of the show, but because the V-neck shirt he brought had gotten so sweaty that his designer sister insisted he change. Kimmel couldn’t help but comment on the new XXXL Lange, saying he actually liked the “hefty Artie.” Lange later jumped on to the “all you can eat” bandwagon by describing himself as a “fat scumbag.”

But looks aside, all would be forgiven if he was funny – after all we could always close our eyes. Well he wasn’t.

Lange has presumably moved on to the ranting phase of his career, which is unfortunate, as he appeared to be on a comedic roll until recently. He moved on to discussing topics like, being on the Howard Stern Show has NOT helped him get laid, orgasms, AIDS (oh, he’s totally against it), and the fact that he still considers Jessica Simpson the bitch that broke up 98 degrees. He then continued with his current crop of gay bashing bits, commenting how fruity this whole generation is, and adding that he wouldn’t want to bring a kid into such a gay world.

He wrapped by saying the biggest advantage to being on the Stern show is that he now sells out Carnegie Hall and the Gibson Amphitheater and gets to make films like Beer League — now out on DVD. It’s fortunate he has that daily plug fest, because he barely used this Kimmel appearance sell his wares.
It all just sounded like the self-deprecating, unhappy ravings of Belushi or Farley as they got closer to the end. What a shame, because, as Lange is famous for quoting movie lines, “he coulda been a contender.”

Don Rickles. What can you say? 60 years in show biz. 82 years old and still runs rings around stand-ups pumping Red Bulls at the Improv. Okay, maybe he moves a little slower, but with aim as deadly as his, who cares?

You’d think that sixty years later, with a million-gag repertoire in that huge hairless skull, Rickles would be coasting. But he worked this show! He insulted the band, the audience, Jimmy – anyone in range. And they loved it. Were some of the jokes creaky? You bet. But if you don’t like this one, there’ll be another along any second. Ba-rum-bum!!

Rickles’ political incorrectness is his stock in trade and still occasionally seems shocking in these sensitive times. Mr. Warmth, however, can get away with anything. When Jimmy noted that JK Live was approaching its 1000th episode, Rickles reflected on the show: “Once in a while when I take a shot at the wife, I use it for a nightlight.” There were other jokes The Guest Whisperer won’t even repeat!

Since Kimmel is in the middle of his concert stunt run, the audience is mostly young enough to get carded. However, when Rickles trotted out an old gag from the ‘60s – “Look at this kid – Halloween’s over!” – both the 19-year-old target and the rest of the audience were falling over. He did get sincere for a second, thanking Jimmy for hosting the Television Academy event featuring his new DVD (“Mr. Warmth – The Don Rickles Project”).

All in all when it comes to talk show appearances, the man is a class act in a class by himself.

Okay, all the tips and guidelines and inside secrets we’ve been espousing here at The Guest Whisperer – you can just throw them out. The rulebook for being a smash hit as a talk show guest has just been rewritten and it goes like this:

1. Be the hottest new three-brother boy band on the scene, or at least be at the top of Disney/ABC/Hollywood Records teen-celeb hit machine.

2. Pack the audience with tons of tween and teen fans jacked up on female hormones, thereby……sending your host’s youth demographic through the roof.

3. Be excruciatingly cute, yet apparently unaffected by fame.

4. Let that straightman host have some fun and be your guide through the screaming twists and turns of female fandom, because hey you have no fear of the competition on that stage – those adoring eyes, and pounding pulses are there to see YOU, right?

5. Secure that you’ve locked your target demo down tight, proceed to expand your crossover appeal with bite-sized multi-generational stories like your visit to the White House Easter Egg Hunt (“The President looked at my feet and said ‘I like them shoes, Joe – I gotta get me a pair.’”) and how Barry Gibb of the BeeGees is giving you career advice because his daughter is a gonzo fan.

6. Top it off by letting Jimmy play ringmaster to a wicked exclusive concert that has the audience screaming the audio meter off the hook and then throw in an encore that plays straight through the credits.

Come to think of it – these ARE the rules we’ve been touting: play to your strengths, connect with your host, keep your stories clever and funny and short, and let the audience feel they’re seeing something extra they wouldn’t get at your concert, in your movie, or on your TV show.

Now, if you could just get yourself a boy band, you’d be set!

Roseanne Barr has had her ups and downs. She’s been in and out, and rarely wanders far from controversy. Through it all, she has been a remarkably reliable talk show guest and interview subject, as demonstrated by her appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live. While Roseanne plugged her ongoing show at the Sahara in Las Vegas, it’s impossible to confine her to a single subject – or even a mere half dozen. She took flight on parenting, joke writing, psychic abilities, politics and her unreasonable fear of Siegfried and Roy.

Simultaneously a celebrity and an ordinary Joe (or Jane), when she relates how she went gaga at seeing Wayne Newton’s mansion, she is the star-struck fan in us all. Yet with her explanation of why she loves Obama, but supports Hillary – “Ho’s before bro’s” is her philosophy – she is dancing on the edge of talk show boundaries.

She can talk about mundane things, that from other guests would have us fidgeting in our seats, because with Roseanne, we know something outrageous is just around the corner. You sense both 50-something housewives and college students respond when she said she gets revenge on her daughters by giving bad advice to her grandchildren. (“Go ahead, poop in your pants. You’re only five!”) She pulled the audience in by giving them sly looks that say “You know what I mean” – looks that slip right by Jimmy. Even so, both she and Jimmy were wonderfully generous in their set-ups for each other: equal opportunity quipsters. The final result was a show segment that was endlessly funny and consistently genuine. (Hey, does anyone else notice that if you close your eyes when Roseanne is talking, you could swear Barbara Walters is in the room?!

Tori Spelling’s publicity roadshow for her autobiography “sTori Telling” pulled in to the Jimmy Kimmel Live garage Thursday night to try and drum up some attention for a story that we think we’ve already read for free in the tabloids over the years. Looking very pregnant — and prompting Jimmy to ask if she was “again or still” (pregnant) — as most of us aren’t exactly keeping track of the Spelling birth cycles. Tori did talk about getting the non chocolate type of kiss from the family cook as a teenager and her Mother’s inquiring (and hoping) that there wasn’t any “penetration” involved. And she did rehash the 90210-Shannen Doherty cast mutiny that resulted in Doherty’s firing from the show, although she said they still remained friends. But what came to be truly annoying was the numerous questions that Kimmel asked that Tori claimed not to know the answers to, before she would take a beat and tell us “you’ll have to read the book.”

I understand that Ms. Spelling does want to sell hardcovers, but her borderline arrogance doesn’t serve her well when you are trying to endear an audience. I’m sure if she chose to answer the questions there would still be enough juice for those who were interested to go to Amazon and get the read. Even a good fisherman knows you have to throw some fresh chum in the water if you want to catch the big one.

From time to time it’s a good idea to give a little constructive criticism to a newbie on the talk circuit. Such is the case with Steven Strait, whose fourth film “10,000 b.c.” is, as of the writing of this review, the number one box office release — a fact that will quickly change. Having bought their opening weekend with an effective barrage of print and television ads, week two begins to fall on the shoulders of a little known, but likable Steven Strait, who along with a CGIed sabretooth tiger, has the most memorable image in the film.

Steven is obviously new to the game and could do little more than nod and just respond to Kimmel’s attempts to bring out the personality of the young star. You have to give Jimmy points for trying, as he came up with an amusing bit that revealed a registered, but obviously not received, wedding gift of a $3,000 chess set from Barney’s. The problem was that even in this tightly produced segment, Steven appeared to have no stories of his own to tell and just sitting back, looking good, and letting Kimmel be funny, just isn’t going to cut it. We learned the bare minimum about the guy and his family and in the end it was all just so forgettable, except of course as still another excuse to show the same clip with his toothy co-star that we have now seen a hundred times in the commercial. Steven may be a star of tomorrow, but today he needs to kick it up a notch.