From her sly humor on Comedy Central Celebrity Roasts to her humbling takes on her own image, Pamela Anderson’s wit and intelligence are reason enough to anticipate her popping up on any talk show. So this makes it all the more surprising that she fell flat on a recent Ellen DeGeneres appearance. I’m sure as you read this, you’re coming up with better repartee than Pam managed. (“Pam Anderson falling flat? Doesn’t that violate the laws of physics?!”) In her defense, she was tired and mildly injured from a tour with magician Hans Klok, but the conversation between her and Ellen was just sporadically entertaining — mostly when Ellen herself was doing the flirting and fawning — and often confusing.

While it was intriguing to hear about Pam’s normal life as a mother (and school traffic monitor!), her low energy and bland presentation made the insights a snooze. And Ellen chatting with her like an old friend was little help, since inside talk without careful clues leaves the viewer out in the cold. To her credit, Pam got in a good line when pitching her new film “Superhero Movie” (“I loved being invisible. My wig did most of the work.”) Yet the majority of even good lines were thrown away or stepped on.

It didn’t help that Pam was positioned between Matt Grant, an engaging Brit who is the current star of The Bachelor, and Margaret Cho, both of whom demonstrated charm and perfect timing. Her 2 Whisper rating highlights some cardinal rules for talk show appearances: get plenty of rest and have your people communicate the essential ammunition the show’s producers need to make you look good, you can’t leave a great appearance to chance!

Ray Romano is so Ray Romano. Self-deprecating, slightly uncomfortable and but always funny. When Craig said he looked good, Romano said that if looking good meant being unemployed and depressed, then that’s him.
He joked about doing non-gay Pilates with a male friend and knowing he needs to get back to work because he recently found himself crying while watching “Deal or No Deal.”

Ostensibly booked on the show to talk about the small release of his latest film “The Grand,” the conversation quickly migrated to a subject, and obvious better talk show fodder, the Internet. He talked about not liking the web much because he always finds something about himself he doesn’t like…such as “Ray Romano sucks.” His well-honed physical comedy timing was evident as he used his water glass to punctuate several humorous moments while talking about a visit to a website, the name of which he almost couldn’t say on air. After warning Craig and the audience that he was going to say a bad word, he said it, got embarrassed, covered his mouth and then drank some more water. He went on to explain that the site compares three celebrities and lets people decide if they want to #@$% them, marry them or kill them. It turns out that six out of ten people want to kill him. He deftly wrapped the bit up by finding the positive side of coming in second, as he saw it, saying “if you’re not going to #@$% me, then just kill me.”

Ray Romano was a good talk show guest. He kept Craig Ferguson on his toes and he kept the audience laughing throughout.

It’s almost as difficult for a star to shine flawlessly on The Colbert Report as it is for one to fall flat.  Stephen Colbert’s skewed and wacky take on conservative talk shows requires a fine balance of earnestness and buffoonery, and while Stephen always manages to carry guests along with him on his harrumphing hayride, the ones that try to match him quip for quip are often left hanging out with a deer-in-the-headlights grin on their faces.

So it came as a delightful surprise that folk-pop icon Carole King’s recent appearance found her holding her own and more in the satiric give and take.  Her liberal politics were ripe fodder for Stephen’s thrusts, and rather than reacting defensively, King gave him some ripe setups (always a sure-fire ticket for a repeat appearance – hosts love a guest who plays to their strengths) and still managed to get in her own zingers.  (She had obviously done her homework, evidenced by her lobbing a line about his obsession with bears.)

In fact, all that keeps her guest slot from getting a full 5 Whispers is that she may have seduced Stephen too well.  When he asked King the reason for the current re-release of her classic “Tapestry” album, she responded, “Sony decided it was time to put out yet another package!”  Her candor so disarmed him that it may have kept him from venturing fully into the outrageous liberal-baiting realms his audience so loves.

That King had charmed the puckish Mr. Colbert was apparent when after the break, he introduced her performance of “I Feel the Earth Move” with a simple, heartfelt “Ladies and gentlemen – Carole King.”  And while her voice was showing a bit of age, she easily reminded us why she is a singer-songwriting legend still turning out anticipated albums.

Tori Spelling’s publicity roadshow for her autobiography “sTori Telling” pulled in to the Jimmy Kimmel Live garage Thursday night to try and drum up some attention for a story that we think we’ve already read for free in the tabloids over the years. Looking very pregnant — and prompting Jimmy to ask if she was “again or still” (pregnant) — as most of us aren’t exactly keeping track of the Spelling birth cycles. Tori did talk about getting the non chocolate type of kiss from the family cook as a teenager and her Mother’s inquiring (and hoping) that there wasn’t any “penetration” involved. And she did rehash the 90210-Shannen Doherty cast mutiny that resulted in Doherty’s firing from the show, although she said they still remained friends. But what came to be truly annoying was the numerous questions that Kimmel asked that Tori claimed not to know the answers to, before she would take a beat and tell us “you’ll have to read the book.”

I understand that Ms. Spelling does want to sell hardcovers, but her borderline arrogance doesn’t serve her well when you are trying to endear an audience. I’m sure if she chose to answer the questions there would still be enough juice for those who were interested to go to Amazon and get the read. Even a good fisherman knows you have to throw some fresh chum in the water if you want to catch the big one.

From time to time it’s a good idea to give a little constructive criticism to a newbie on the talk circuit. Such is the case with Steven Strait, whose fourth film “10,000 b.c.” is, as of the writing of this review, the number one box office release — a fact that will quickly change. Having bought their opening weekend with an effective barrage of print and television ads, week two begins to fall on the shoulders of a little known, but likable Steven Strait, who along with a CGIed sabretooth tiger, has the most memorable image in the film.

Steven is obviously new to the game and could do little more than nod and just respond to Kimmel’s attempts to bring out the personality of the young star. You have to give Jimmy points for trying, as he came up with an amusing bit that revealed a registered, but obviously not received, wedding gift of a $3,000 chess set from Barney’s. The problem was that even in this tightly produced segment, Steven appeared to have no stories of his own to tell and just sitting back, looking good, and letting Kimmel be funny, just isn’t going to cut it. We learned the bare minimum about the guy and his family and in the end it was all just so forgettable, except of course as still another excuse to show the same clip with his toothy co-star that we have now seen a hundred times in the commercial. Steven may be a star of tomorrow, but today he needs to kick it up a notch.

White House Press Secretary Dana Perino took the day off from being the butt of Jon Stewart’s jokes to help make her own, with a rare appearance on The Daily Show. Complete with permanent, pasted on smile and wearing overly perky pink, she did the best she could to keep up with the rapid fire Stewart, in what can best be described as yet another fruitless attempt to show that the current administration is “hip????”

Wound as tight as a drum, Perino remained mostly unflappable during the five minute sit down, impressing Stewart with her almost robot-like resolve to hold the company line. Only when Stewart moved on to the hypothetical, “what if you were Spitzer’s Press Secretary” line of questioning, did Perino, almost breathless at this point, begin to show wear. All in all an entertaining interview with some laugh out loud moments that ultimately served everyone well.