Kobe Bryant has been through a journey in his life - from amazing, humble, kid basketball player who got drafted by the Lakers to cocky self-absorbed pro with a certain degree of um…legal entanglements, and finally it seems, back to semi-humble, adult basketball player who’s appeared to learn some life lessons.

Such was the image he portrayed when he paid Jimmy Kimmel a visit recently. With a gold medal in his pocket, (probably the ultimate bling) Kobe looked quite dapper in his dark suit with pink tie and hankie. When the audience wouldn’t stop chanting MVP, Kimmel asked if Kobe gets tired of hearing that…Kobe said “no!” with a big smile.

Bryant was really the perfect mix of playful, sincere and serious. He spoke of Olympic basketball and how the world has embraced it, as well as his surprise at his popularity over in China (he couldn’t get off a plane because it had been swarmed by fans and his jersey is the nation’s number one seller).

Bryant did speak about working with Britany Spears on the MTV awards saying “that stuff makes me nervous.” They discussed his turning thirty in Beijing, his family, and his choice not to have surgery on his finger (too much recovery time away from the Lakers).

All of this was said with the right degree of humbleness and truth. He listened well, reacted even better and allowed us to want to like him, which we did. He even ended the interview telling Kimmel he had a bone to pick with him. He went on to complain about not being invited to Kimmel’s house for the Sunday NFL viewing party, saying “[sure, when the] camera comes on and he’s my buddy-buddy, and then he doesn’t invite me. I just want to know what’s going on!”

This appearance certainly marks an up swing in the control of Bryant’s public image and caps off an amazing season of talent on the court.

Artie Lange’s “Death Wish” tour continues with yet another appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live. It’s a good thing Lange is best known for his annoying squeal on the Howard Stern Show, because he truly has a face and body for radio.

Lange has mastered the “I just rolled out of bed” look with all the finesse and style of a freeway off-ramp bum. The crotch of his pants was down to his knees and he completed the picture with a full day facial growth that gave him all the charm of a down and out prospector. Kimmel couldn’t help but comment on Lange’s JKL5 (Jimmy Kimmel Live 5) T-shirt, which he apparently wasn’t wearing in support of the show, but because the V-neck shirt he brought had gotten so sweaty that his designer sister insisted he change. Kimmel couldn’t help but comment on the new XXXL Lange, saying he actually liked the “hefty Artie.” Lange later jumped on to the “all you can eat” bandwagon by describing himself as a “fat scumbag.”

But looks aside, all would be forgiven if he was funny – after all we could always close our eyes. Well he wasn’t.

Lange has presumably moved on to the ranting phase of his career, which is unfortunate, as he appeared to be on a comedic roll until recently. He moved on to discussing topics like, being on the Howard Stern Show has NOT helped him get laid, orgasms, AIDS (oh, he’s totally against it), and the fact that he still considers Jessica Simpson the bitch that broke up 98 degrees. He then continued with his current crop of gay bashing bits, commenting how fruity this whole generation is, and adding that he wouldn’t want to bring a kid into such a gay world.

He wrapped by saying the biggest advantage to being on the Stern show is that he now sells out Carnegie Hall and the Gibson Amphitheater and gets to make films like Beer League — now out on DVD. It’s fortunate he has that daily plug fest, because he barely used this Kimmel appearance sell his wares.
It all just sounded like the self-deprecating, unhappy ravings of Belushi or Farley as they got closer to the end. What a shame, because, as Lange is famous for quoting movie lines, “he coulda been a contender.”

Don Rickles. What can you say? 60 years in show biz. 82 years old and still runs rings around stand-ups pumping Red Bulls at the Improv. Okay, maybe he moves a little slower, but with aim as deadly as his, who cares?

You’d think that sixty years later, with a million-gag repertoire in that huge hairless skull, Rickles would be coasting. But he worked this show! He insulted the band, the audience, Jimmy – anyone in range. And they loved it. Were some of the jokes creaky? You bet. But if you don’t like this one, there’ll be another along any second. Ba-rum-bum!!

Rickles’ political incorrectness is his stock in trade and still occasionally seems shocking in these sensitive times. Mr. Warmth, however, can get away with anything. When Jimmy noted that JK Live was approaching its 1000th episode, Rickles reflected on the show: “Once in a while when I take a shot at the wife, I use it for a nightlight.” There were other jokes The Guest Whisperer won’t even repeat!

Since Kimmel is in the middle of his concert stunt run, the audience is mostly young enough to get carded. However, when Rickles trotted out an old gag from the ‘60s – “Look at this kid – Halloween’s over!” – both the 19-year-old target and the rest of the audience were falling over. He did get sincere for a second, thanking Jimmy for hosting the Television Academy event featuring his new DVD (“Mr. Warmth – The Don Rickles Project”).

All in all when it comes to talk show appearances, the man is a class act in a class by himself.

Okay, all the tips and guidelines and inside secrets we’ve been espousing here at The Guest Whisperer – you can just throw them out. The rulebook for being a smash hit as a talk show guest has just been rewritten and it goes like this:

1. Be the hottest new three-brother boy band on the scene, or at least be at the top of Disney/ABC/Hollywood Records teen-celeb hit machine.

2. Pack the audience with tons of tween and teen fans jacked up on female hormones, thereby……sending your host’s youth demographic through the roof.

3. Be excruciatingly cute, yet apparently unaffected by fame.

4. Let that straightman host have some fun and be your guide through the screaming twists and turns of female fandom, because hey you have no fear of the competition on that stage – those adoring eyes, and pounding pulses are there to see YOU, right?

5. Secure that you’ve locked your target demo down tight, proceed to expand your crossover appeal with bite-sized multi-generational stories like your visit to the White House Easter Egg Hunt (“The President looked at my feet and said ‘I like them shoes, Joe – I gotta get me a pair.’”) and how Barry Gibb of the BeeGees is giving you career advice because his daughter is a gonzo fan.

6. Top it off by letting Jimmy play ringmaster to a wicked exclusive concert that has the audience screaming the audio meter off the hook and then throw in an encore that plays straight through the credits.

Come to think of it – these ARE the rules we’ve been touting: play to your strengths, connect with your host, keep your stories clever and funny and short, and let the audience feel they’re seeing something extra they wouldn’t get at your concert, in your movie, or on your TV show.

Now, if you could just get yourself a boy band, you’d be set!

Roseanne Barr has had her ups and downs. She’s been in and out, and rarely wanders far from controversy. Through it all, she has been a remarkably reliable talk show guest and interview subject, as demonstrated by her appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live. While Roseanne plugged her ongoing show at the Sahara in Las Vegas, it’s impossible to confine her to a single subject – or even a mere half dozen. She took flight on parenting, joke writing, psychic abilities, politics and her unreasonable fear of Siegfried and Roy.

Simultaneously a celebrity and an ordinary Joe (or Jane), when she relates how she went gaga at seeing Wayne Newton’s mansion, she is the star-struck fan in us all. Yet with her explanation of why she loves Obama, but supports Hillary – “Ho’s before bro’s” is her philosophy – she is dancing on the edge of talk show boundaries.

She can talk about mundane things, that from other guests would have us fidgeting in our seats, because with Roseanne, we know something outrageous is just around the corner. You sense both 50-something housewives and college students respond when she said she gets revenge on her daughters by giving bad advice to her grandchildren. (“Go ahead, poop in your pants. You’re only five!”) She pulled the audience in by giving them sly looks that say “You know what I mean” – looks that slip right by Jimmy. Even so, both she and Jimmy were wonderfully generous in their set-ups for each other: equal opportunity quipsters. The final result was a show segment that was endlessly funny and consistently genuine. (Hey, does anyone else notice that if you close your eyes when Roseanne is talking, you could swear Barbara Walters is in the room?!