Okay, all the tips and guidelines and inside secrets we’ve been espousing here at The Guest Whisperer – you can just throw them out. The rulebook for being a smash hit as a talk show guest has just been rewritten and it goes like this:

1. Be the hottest new three-brother boy band on the scene, or at least be at the top of Disney/ABC/Hollywood Records teen-celeb hit machine.

2. Pack the audience with tons of tween and teen fans jacked up on female hormones, thereby……sending your host’s youth demographic through the roof.

3. Be excruciatingly cute, yet apparently unaffected by fame.

4. Let that straightman host have some fun and be your guide through the screaming twists and turns of female fandom, because hey you have no fear of the competition on that stage – those adoring eyes, and pounding pulses are there to see YOU, right?

5. Secure that you’ve locked your target demo down tight, proceed to expand your crossover appeal with bite-sized multi-generational stories like your visit to the White House Easter Egg Hunt (“The President looked at my feet and said ‘I like them shoes, Joe – I gotta get me a pair.’”) and how Barry Gibb of the BeeGees is giving you career advice because his daughter is a gonzo fan.

6. Top it off by letting Jimmy play ringmaster to a wicked exclusive concert that has the audience screaming the audio meter off the hook and then throw in an encore that plays straight through the credits.

Come to think of it – these ARE the rules we’ve been touting: play to your strengths, connect with your host, keep your stories clever and funny and short, and let the audience feel they’re seeing something extra they wouldn’t get at your concert, in your movie, or on your TV show.

Now, if you could just get yourself a boy band, you’d be set!