Artie Lange’s “Death Wish” tour continues with yet another appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live. It’s a good thing Lange is best known for his annoying squeal on the Howard Stern Show, because he truly has a face and body for radio.
Lange has mastered the “I just rolled out of bed” look with all the finesse and style of a freeway off-ramp bum. The crotch of his pants was down to his knees and he completed the picture with a full day facial growth that gave him all the charm of a down and out prospector. Kimmel couldn’t help but comment on Lange’s JKL5 (Jimmy Kimmel Live 5) T-shirt, which he apparently wasn’t wearing in support of the show, but because the V-neck shirt he brought had gotten so sweaty that his designer sister insisted he change. Kimmel couldn’t help but comment on the new XXXL Lange, saying he actually liked the “hefty Artie.” Lange later jumped on to the “all you can eat” bandwagon by describing himself as a “fat scumbag.”
But looks aside, all would be forgiven if he was funny – after all we could always close our eyes. Well he wasn’t.
Lange has presumably moved on to the ranting phase of his career, which is unfortunate, as he appeared to be on a comedic roll until recently. He moved on to discussing topics like, being on the Howard Stern Show has NOT helped him get laid, orgasms, AIDS (oh, he’s totally against it), and the fact that he still considers Jessica Simpson the bitch that broke up 98 degrees. He then continued with his current crop of gay bashing bits, commenting how fruity this whole generation is, and adding that he wouldn’t want to bring a kid into such a gay world.
He wrapped by saying the biggest advantage to being on the Stern show is that he now sells out Carnegie Hall and the Gibson Amphitheater and gets to make films like Beer League — now out on DVD. It’s fortunate he has that daily plug fest, because he barely used this Kimmel appearance sell his wares.
It all just sounded like the self-deprecating, unhappy ravings of Belushi or Farley as they got closer to the end. What a shame, because, as Lange is famous for quoting movie lines, “he coulda been a contender.”